Self-love and Self-knowing

Life Essentials, Reflections

I  sometimes feel an aversion towards clichéd concepts. ‘Finding yourself’, for example. Attacking this concept, however, is arguably more overused than the concept itself. Clichéd or not – we all have our own take on certain subject areas. And when these realizations are fueled by a personal event or even an epiphany, they become even more important to the individual. Every so often I find myself heavy with the obligation to write about these subjects.

‘SELF-LOVE’ is one of such topics.

But what is it that drives one to the desire to ‘find’ oneself, if not a feeling of being lost within or without of one’s SELF? And that feeling of being ‘lost’ is one with which so many of us can relate. Whether it comes from the world external or internal.

In my opinion, these two concepts are intrinsically linked. ‘Finding oneself’ and ‘Self-love’. Satisfaction of self is different – it is more external. Self-love is inward. It carries no agendas. It doesn’t relent. It carries no caveats. It is truly unconditional. It is an entity of itself.

One who LOVES their SELF, loves their soul, their spirit, their heart and their body, too. Understanding that this body is a mere extension of the inward person. This person cares for their body, their skin, their health and their heart. Not because of outward vanity but rather because they see the external body as a mere extension of SELF. And they see SELF as that almost intangible part of their being. It cannot be seen in the mirror, on a resume or through the opinions of others.

One who LOVES their SELF does not withhold this love due to performance. Or lack therof. She still loves herself when her muscles ache, when she realizes she has underestimated the time it will take to get to an event and even when she fails. And her dreams are crushed. She continues to love herself because that love is not finite. It has no end or boundaries.

But how can one love oneself lest one is acquainted with oneself? Or, I might go as far as to say: How can one love oneself lest one is FRIENDS – BEST friends with oneself. You cannot love someone before you first know, like, cherish and appreciate them. And oftentimes we speak to ourselves in the most atrocious ways.

We say things to ourselves that we would never tolerate from anyone else. We look in the mirror and we tell our pores, midriff and thighs that they are ‘huge’. We chastise ourselves over missing the tube when the next one arrives in 3 minutes. Too often, we don’t show ourselves love.

You could call this an ‘inner beauty’ piece. But I am coming to learn that without cultivating a spirit of self-love, one cannot be one’s best self. One cannot have one’s best skin. One needs to discover, know and find oneself to love oneself. And finding oneself is a process of discovery and advancement. The true SELF may be improving, but is more than likely imperfect. The imperfect, contemporary, current self is the one that needs to be accepted and loved.


Loved – both for and despite its apparent flaws. Known – with acceptance of imperfection.

Cheers, peace and love

– Christiana

Dealing with guilt and self-depreciation: A series of questions

Life Essentials, Reflections

A seven-step guide to taking care of yourself.

Dealing with self-hate, cultivating a spirit of self-love and avoiding subconscious self-sabotage. I wrote this for myself, I needed this. And now I offer it to you.


Ask yourself these questions:

  1. Are you still alive?
  2. Is it that bad?
  3. Against whose criterion are you really evaluating yourself?
  4. What are the realistic worst possible consequences of the particular action/s
  5. Forgetting the past, what steps can you take to mitigate any realistic damages?
  6. Is there any possibility that your sentiments exist within a vacuum of self-doubt, pity and self-hatred; or that your evaluation of self is based on the arbitrary standards of others or warped social norms?
  7. It’s not easy, but work to forgive yourself. Your forgiven self is the most capable version of yourself to move forward, find solutions and mitigate damages.

Cheers, peace & love.


– Chonye